Didática do trauma: por que não usar a palavra “diferencial”

Sei nem por onde começar.

No final das contas, acho que esta obra-prima do Ego, que pode ser encontrada aqui, me deu uma idéia: a didática por trauma.

Não gosto, jamais gostei e nunca admirarei (viu como fugir do cacófato nunca-gosto?) a expressão diferencial. É um modismo ridículo. As amebas escreventes usam porque a palavra é bonita e chama a atenção. Acabam por usá-la adequadamente, mas com intenções erradas.

Sei disso porque, certa feita, uma ameba perguntou pro meu marido por que ele havia retirado o diferencial do texto dela. Marido disse que não havia necessidade da palavra no texto porque não fazia nem falta nem diferença, e a ameba perguntou: Ué, mas diferencial não significa que o serviço ficou melhor? NÃO, AMEBA, NÃO SIGNIFICA!!!

Vamos lá, tio Antônio! Explica pra gente:

Diferencial

n adjetivo de dois gêneros
1 relativo a ou em que há diferença

2 que estabelece ou indica diferença
Ex.: traço d.

3 Rubrica: análise matemática.
que envolve derivadas
Ex.: cálculo d.

n substantivo masculino

4 aquilo que constitui diferença; diferença
Ex.: o d. entre eles é que um é presidencialista e o outro não

5 Rubrica: engenharia mecânica.
num automóvel, conjunto de engrenagens que transmite às rodas motrizes o movimento do motor, permitindo que, nas curvas, elas se movam com velocidade diferente uma da outra

n substantivo feminino

6 Rubrica: análise matemática.
função linear que associa a cada número o produto da derivada pelo número

Ah, dona Bruxa, a senhora é muito malvada! Se eu quero indicar que existe alguma diferença, eu posso usar diferencial, sim! Foi tio Antônio quem disse! dirá você.

Certo, certo.  Tio Antônio disse que pode usar, então você quer usar, né, ameba? Fique à vontade. Mas antes de te conceder autorização total e definitiva, vamos ao inovador método da Didática por Trauma recém-criado pela Madrasta do Texto Ruim!

Antes de escrever diferencial no seu texto, ameba, lembre-se desta manchete (e vamos às minhas canetadas):

elileso

Mamilo triplo de Eliéser vira diferencial para conquistar a mulherada
Apresentado nacionalmente no ‘BBB 10’, a anatomia peitoral será mantida pelo engenheiro agrônomo.
(…) o paranaense Eliéser falou com muito bom humor se pretende ou não fazer uma cirurgia estética para a retirada do seu terceiro mamilo.
“É interessante falar sobre isso. Acho interessante ser um cara com três tetas, é um diferencial no mercado. Não penso em operar, é uma coisa minha que não tiraria. Quero manter”, explicou o engenheiro agrônomo.
A quase imperceptível anomalia foi citada por Elíeser logo na primeira semana de confinamento, durante uma conversa ocasional com Elenita e Angélica. Na ocasião, o paranaense explicou que o terceiro mamilo não o incomodava.

Mamilo triplo de Eliéser vira diferencial [Pronto! Táqui! Viu só um exemplo CORRETO de uso do diferencial? Vai fundo, ameba, usa no seu texto…] para conquistar a mulherada

Apresentado nacionalmente no ‘BBB 10’, a anatomia peitoral [e lembre-se também que, para não repetir “mamilo triplo“, o redator do Ego substituiu a expressão por anatomia peitoral. E esqueceu-se de mudar o gênero do “apresentado” que abre a frase, coitado… tava indo tão bem!] será mantida pelo engenheiro agrônomo.

(…) o paranaense Eliéser falou com muito bom humor se pretende ou não fazer uma cirurgia estética para a retirada do seu terceiro mamilo.

“É interessante falar sobre isso. [espero que a frase a seguir lhe convença de uma vez por todas a nunca mais usar o diferencial na sua vida. Bisserve:] Acho interessante ser um cara com três tetas, é um diferencial no mercado. Não penso em operar, é uma coisa minha que não tiraria. Quero manter”, explicou o engenheiro agrônomo.

Pronto! E agora, continua curtindo falar em diferencial? Ah, não? De nada.

Hein? Você quer que eu reescreva esse texto? Carece, não! O objetivo de ele estar copi-colado aqui foi única e exclusivamente para lhe chocar, irritar e traumatizar! Grata.



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